A “Crucial Conversation” is a conversation which contains three important elements: 1) opposing opinions, 2) strong emotions, and 3) high stakes. As we enter into a crucial conversation, most often our emotions prohibit us from effectively achieving what we initially set out to accomplish from the discussion. Often things are held “inside” because we are afraid of the repercussions from being honest or we “drop a bomb” and attack others with our ideas and / or feelings; we don’t handle the conversation at all or we don’t handle it well. Either way, it only exacerbates the frustration and disappointment felt by both parties.
How does a Crucial Conversation differ from a ‘normal’ conversation?
From childhood, each of us has learned from our parents and other role models, ways of communicating which, we hope, will effectively enable us to achieve our goals. Over time and with much practice, these familiar ways of interacting with others are reinforced and become both natural and comfortable. However when faced with a situation which we perceive as stressful, our normal considered response can be replaced by an ‘angry’ or ‘silent’ reaction and effective dialogue can become non existent. This is often the time when you need get involved in a Crucial Conversation.
Are you facing a Crucial Conversation?
How does a Crucial Conversation differ from a ‘normal’ conversation?
From childhood, each of us has learned from our parents and other role models, ways of communicating which, we hope, will effectively enable us to achieve our goals. Over time and with much practice, these familiar ways of interacting with others are reinforced and become both natural and comfortable. However when faced with a situation which we perceive as stressful, our normal considered response can be replaced by an ‘angry’ or ‘silent’ reaction and effective dialogue can become non existent. This is often the time when you need get involved in a Crucial Conversation.
Are you facing a Crucial Conversation?
- A colleague is constantly trying to win you over to his views through high-energy debate tactics. You merely want to discuss issues calmly and professionally. You don't want to be strong-armed or hyped. What do you say?
- Your boss has a leadership style that is smothering you. You hesitate to speak up.
People who report to you aren't sharing their differing opinions. You're being cut off from essential information and as a result your most important initiatives are eroding. Why don't people just speak up? - Important issues are not brought up in a timely manner to those who can do something about them. Only those near the water cooler hear the problems.
You find yourself disagreeing with your boss and yet you are nodding like a nodding dog. The last person who disagreed was "shot on sight." - One of your employees sits quietly during key concept discussions, disagrees with many of the ideas, says nothing, and then complains to you off-line. When you brought it up with her, she said it's not safe to be honest.
- Infighting rules as people from different shifts, departments, specialties, and cultures turn diversity into hostility and debate rather than collaboration and synergy.
- Your Project Director has announced a project schedule that you know is completely unrealistic, and refuses to acknowledge your concerns. How can you make them listen?
If you recognise some of these, or need to address some ‘home’ issues, such as speaking to your teenage son about a ‘teenage’ problem, or raising an topic with your spouse that has been bothering you for years…..then learning the skills of Crucial Conversations will have a dramatic effect on your life.
The skills of Crucial Conversations allow you to talk openly and honestly to anyone about almost anything, resolve the problem, and at the same time build the relationship with that person for mutual benefit. Those who have mastered the skills:
- Stay focused on goals even when emotions run strong.
- Increase awareness of warning signs that a conversation is about to take a turn for the worse.
- Make it safe to talk about almost anything.
- Create healthy dialogue even when you feel scared, angry, frustrated or hurt.
- Say potentially hurtful things in a way that reduces defensiveness.
- Listen effectively even when others blow up or clam up.
- Move successfully from discussing tough issues to taking positive and healthy action.
The results of this open, effective communication are predictable. As people gain greater access to vital information, your organisation will become a more effective and a more enjoyable place to work.
Ref: http://www.gra.uk.com/CC1.asp
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